Now, my left calf looks considerably smaller than the right – and it is according to the tape too! The reason for this is that 11 months ago I took a dive down a flight of stairs on to a concrete floor, breaking the 5th metatarsal in my right foot and at least 3 bones in my left foot. Due to this, both legs were in plaster for several weeks, the left for far longer than the right. During this time the muscle atrophied, and hasn’t fully come back yet – and it’s not helped by my left foot constantly causing me grief, a twinge here, a crunch there. Probably won’t ever be right, but I’m not here to complain – just to explain why I’m lopsided!!

Something that caught me by surprise was my waist measurement – if there are any pros out there who want to say I’ve measured it incorrectly, well, fine – but I’m going to keep measuring in the same place so I can have an accurate comparison. I measured all the way round, passing straight over my belly button – it’s as good a marker as any! My trousers are normally 38″ waist, very occasionally 36″, but that feels tight. I wear my trousers so they sit under my belly, which means my actual waist is bigger. Much bigger. Oh my. Much much bigger.

So here are the stats, as measured on January 2nd 2009:

Waist :45″

Chest : 44″/46″

Arms : (L/R) : 12″/13″

Thighs (L/R) : 25″/23″

Calves (L/R) : 15″/17″

I did expect a difference between the two sides of my body, as I am naturally right handed so the muscles would have different work to do. Not sure why my right arm is larger but my left thigh is larger…maybe because of carrying the weight of the plaster cast around!!

I’ve broken the 2nd metatarsal, the 3rd metatarsal, and also the 4th metatarsal. There are bone fragments floating around in my foot next to the ligaments, and I am now in a full cast and not allowed to put any weight on my left foot. My right foot requires no plaster at all now.

This is good in a way – I now have one working foot! However, I’m glad I moaned at the nurses who insisted I kept my weight OFF my RIGHT foot (which they strapped in a tubular bandage) and gave me a pair of crutches, instructing me to HOP on my LEFT foot. If I’d done that, the breaks would have become worse, and the bone fragments would have caused severe ligament damage.

My initial (untrained, note well) diagnosis was that I’d broken at least two bones and buggered the ligaments in my left foot. The staff at the hospital – until today – thought they knew better.

Next time I’m going private…

No. Wait. Let’s not have a next time, eh?